Author: Denise Ferreira
When I get nervous about sharing something, I know that it’s important enough that it can help someone else..sooo….
I never thought it would be me. But, it is me.
We all hear and read about mental health, we see the Instagram posts, the face book posts, we comment with words of encouragement and support and we keep scrolling, well at least thats what I used to do. I felt bad, but I never actually fully understood what it meant, or felt like, neither could I relate to it. I’m an empathic person as as much as I was sad for them, I had no clue what it meant to be in the thick of it, until now.
Over the past several months I had developed sever anxiety that caused me to have chronic insomnia. It’s some scary shit!
There are days where I haven’t slept for 48 hours an that’s scary! Most of the time, I don’t even feel tired, that’s scary too. Not being able to make your brain stop talking or thinking is scary, not being able to control your heart beating is scary. Feeling like you are going crazy is scary. It’s really all F$#ken scary!
There had been a build up of life events that literally led me to having a breakdown. My mother got sick, I had surgery, started a new job, bought a new house, taking care of my mom, parenting a child who is struggling at school – all experienced in such a short period of time. I have this overwhelming need or feeling that I have to do it all, take care of it all, control it all, fix it all, stay on top of it all. I carried ( or still carry) all of that stress, I created a demand that didn’t allow any room for me to process, I mean to actually process. I buried that shit real deep.
Stress effects everyone differently and no matter how much of a strong person you think you are or think you can handle, stress is one powerful beast. I know that we often laugh off stress, tell ourselves that everyone has stress, and even though that may be true- we do all have stressors in our lives, but there is a difference when every day stressors turn into high levels of stress. That is when it becomes harmful to your health. Please don’t ignore it
Admitting that I needed help was a big step, getting the help was the best decision I made. I’m still working through it, but I’m learning and I’m getting better at not feeling like I am responsible for everything and everyone. I’m talking about it and in turn I feel not so alone, because when I share it allows people to feel like they can share to, and this is what this community is all about.
You are not alone, do you hear me- YOU ARE NOT ALONE
I never understood how real the stigma was until I was living it. The fear of what people would think, the fear of no one understanding it, the fear of people thinking I was going crazy, the fear of people thinking I was a bad mother- it was overwhelming and lonely.
I hide it well, and I bet you probably do too. But you are not alone, and getting the help you need doesn’t make you weak, it makes you friggin strong and amazing. You deserve to take care of yourself. You are not alone, and if you share it and you talk about it, you will have a community behind you helping you.